What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 04:55
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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She wouldn,t have been !
I could never make a relationship work though!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When Chinese people see my pets, will they think of it as their food?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Comes on , in middle age.
What is one thing nice you did for someone today or something they did for you?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Does a person with schizophrenia hear voices?
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i do to all so called friends.?
How is sex in college like with roommates and big campuses?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I think the readers, may guess!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Who then, do I blame.?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Have you ever been forced to undress for money just once?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I waited trembling.
My life is so biszare .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im still living with it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I have no regrets .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot live in the past .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She was in good health!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She loved him until the end.
He knew the spot.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So whats the point in blame.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
I said to her
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Put me off passion for life!!
But it wasn’t much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My family never makes their pension either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When she asked me how she looked .
It was going to be , some day.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I write beautiful poetry .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She found it foreign!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im dying but, im not bitter.